Friday, September 19, 2008

Sarah Palin Sex Tape!!

I have to say, I hate chain letters. You know the ones I’m talking about; the “pass this on to 10 of your closest friends or you’ll die” type letters that we all receive every day in our emails. Some of you are lucky and have a good spam detector that weeds them out, but alas, I do not! So I bring you news from the Forbidden City! You will not die! Your children will not be born with pig’s noses! You don’t have to cow down to the edicts of some faceless (probably unemployed) imbecile, with nothing better to do than torment all of us hardworking folk with their mindless, chickenlittle-esq minutiae! I also hate political emails. You don’t know my political affiliation and if you do and send them to me anyway, then you’re just an a**hole! I will vote for who I vote for and it won’t be based on some email with flags and soldiers and the twin towers in flames. It will be based on an intelligent and thoughtful examination of the policies of the candidates…and who Tina Fey is good at making fun of! My third least favorite emails are cute babies dressed as animals. What the f**k is that all about?!! “Oh the little baby dressed as a lion!” Are you kidding me?!! I have a child. A beautiful child. When she was born, I never once thought, “Oh she would look so much cuter as a llama!” The internet is a wonderful thing. I believe in all of the good it is capable of. I am not a Luddite. I do think that much like the rest of life, there is good and bad all around us. We are an intelligent, discerning species. I offer you the following reply written by a dear friend. It is written with a loving tone that simply implies “you d**head” use it and help make the world a better place.

“Hi friends.....first I want you to know that I appreciate you thinking of me at all.....and I want you to know that no one hates chain mail or "chain email" more than me! I know, I know...either it's funny or there is some sort of promise of a rapid blessing if you just send it to 10 of your closest friends in the next 10 seconds. Well folks....I don't have 10 closest friends and if I did, I wouldn't forward another chain letter to them. I know you are all busy with your lives and families and jobs...and any computer time or correspondence has to be quick. Forwarding some anonymous email is a quick way to let someone know you are thinking about them. rather than hitting "forward", how about a word or two from your own sweet that really means something and is precious....and FYI, sometimes I get a little shaky when I just delete those chain letters too! I need all the blessing I can get, but I don't think those chain emails have too much promise of anything but clogging up our in Shasta”

Full Disclosure; No her name is not ‘Shasta’. I wouldn’t reveal that much of our private life, but I did give her a really cool stripper name, so Doris, if you read this, I gave you a cool stripper name! her name isn’t Doris either…that was just to make her and Buffy laugh! Yes her name is Buffy…no she’s not a vampire slayer…no you’re not the first one to say that…no you’re not the 1,000,000,000 person to say that…yes I do think you’re hitting on my wife when you say that…yes I do own a gun…and a shovel…and a truck…and hefty bags…and I do know lonesome country areas where you’ll never be found…

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