Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Obama to appear on WWE Smackdown!

I like loud music. Sometimes in my car, I play my music really loud. Usually I don’t because my cell phone rings every 10 minutes or so, so I have to have the stereo down to hear it. I like to play loud onstage, because it feels good, and that’s the way it’s supposed to sound. It’s a spiritual thing. Like when you have to touch everything in the room 3 times before you leave it…no wait that’s OCD. I don’t really have OCD, I am slightly superstitious though. I wonder if OCD isn’t really just superstition gone wild? I’ve read that Joey Ramone had OCD. That had to suck. I really like the Ramones. I saw footage of them playing a CBGB’s in New York. It’s a fairly small club, but they were using Marshall stacks! It was awesome. I once saw Living Colour play at a place here in Nashville called the Cannery. The Dead Milkmen opened for them and Living Colour was louder than anything! The loudest show I ever went to was Robin Trower. It was also at the Cannery, but he used 2 Marshall stacks! He’s from England, where the Marshall amps come from. They are the second best amps in the world. O’Briens are #1 of course.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Sarah Palin Sex Tape!!

I have to say, I hate chain letters. You know the ones I’m talking about; the “pass this on to 10 of your closest friends or you’ll die” type letters that we all receive every day in our emails. Some of you are lucky and have a good spam detector that weeds them out, but alas, I do not! So I bring you news from the Forbidden City! You will not die! Your children will not be born with pig’s noses! You don’t have to cow down to the edicts of some faceless (probably unemployed) imbecile, with nothing better to do than torment all of us hardworking folk with their mindless, chickenlittle-esq minutiae! I also hate political emails. You don’t know my political affiliation and if you do and send them to me anyway, then you’re just an a**hole! I will vote for who I vote for and it won’t be based on some email with flags and soldiers and the twin towers in flames. It will be based on an intelligent and thoughtful examination of the policies of the candidates…and who Tina Fey is good at making fun of! My third least favorite emails are cute babies dressed as animals. What the f**k is that all about?!! “Oh the little baby dressed as a lion!” Are you kidding me?!! I have a child. A beautiful child. When she was born, I never once thought, “Oh she would look so much cuter as a llama!” The internet is a wonderful thing. I believe in all of the good it is capable of. I am not a Luddite. I do think that much like the rest of life, there is good and bad all around us. We are an intelligent, discerning species. I offer you the following reply written by a dear friend. It is written with a loving tone that simply implies “you d**head” use it and help make the world a better place.

“Hi friends.....first I want you to know that I appreciate you thinking of me at all.....and I want you to know that no one hates chain mail or "chain email" more than me! I know, I know...either it's funny or there is some sort of promise of a rapid blessing if you just send it to 10 of your closest friends in the next 10 seconds. Well folks....I don't have 10 closest friends and if I did, I wouldn't forward another chain letter to them. I know you are all busy with your lives and families and jobs...and any computer time or correspondence has to be quick. Forwarding some anonymous email is a quick way to let someone know you are thinking about them. rather than hitting "forward", how about a word or two from your own sweet that really means something and is precious....and FYI, sometimes I get a little shaky when I just delete those chain letters too! I need all the blessing I can get, but I don't think those chain emails have too much promise of anything but clogging up our in Shasta”

Full Disclosure; No her name is not ‘Shasta’. I wouldn’t reveal that much of our private life, but I did give her a really cool stripper name, so Doris, if you read this, I gave you a cool stripper name! her name isn’t Doris either…that was just to make her and Buffy laugh! Yes her name is Buffy…no she’s not a vampire slayer…no you’re not the first one to say that…no you’re not the 1,000,000,000 person to say that…yes I do think you’re hitting on my wife when you say that…yes I do own a gun…and a shovel…and a truck…and hefty bags…and I do know lonesome country areas where you’ll never be found…

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Exercise secrets of the GOP!

Thank God that the hurricane Gustav didn’t hit New Orleans any harder than it did. Our prayers go out to all of the displaced and harmed, but we’re so grateful that a larger disaster was avoided. That being said, I do have one small point that I’ve often wondered about; why, during a storm, is it necessary to put newscasters outside, in the rain and wind, holding a metal microphone? Is it just so we can see that, yes the wind is really blowing hard, just like we were all taught in 3rd grade? Hurricanes are full of rain and wind and sometimes even lightning! They also often send heavy objects hurtling through the air at amazing velocity and with great force. Fun times to be standing outside in your LL Bean wind breaker with the network insignia on it! You usually see one of these poor tele-journalists standing in 100 mile an hour winds describing how the authorities have forced the evacuation of the area to protect human life. Then they show you the empty streets, all the while soaking wet, holding their hat and squinting into the camera fielding questions from the “important” anchors in the studio, (jacket off, tie loosened and sleeves rolled up as though their ready to start filling sand bags!). I actually saw one yesterday that took the cake; Poor guy standing in the middle of Houma LA ( one of the harder hit sections) wind whipping by at 100+ mph, he gets his report out and answers some inane questions like, “Have you seen any structural damage as of yet to homes or property?” (This question came as a house went cart wheeling behind the poor guy!) Then when he gets to the end of all that, the anchor, ensconced in a warm, dry studio, says… (Wait for it, this is 100% true!)…”Hold on for just a minute Jim we’ll get right back to you!” Oh what I would have given to hear poor old Jim lose it at that point; “I’m sorry Tom, did you say ‘hold on’? It was hard to hear you with the 100 mile an hour winds battering my ear drums. Or maybe the Stop sign that just grazed my skull has me a little dizzy. Or maybe it’s hard to hear because the crew guy that’s laying in 3 feet of water trying to hold me in place is making too much noise coming up for air. I’m sorry; it’s just kind of hard to stand at the threshold of death and hear every amazingly brilliant word that drips from your perfect lips in New York. ‘Hold on’? Really Mr. Big-Time TV Newsman? ‘Hold on’? I have an idea, how about you take your fancy leather-bound script full of incredibly insightful questions like, ‘is it raining really hard there now?’ and roll it up real tight and ‘hold on’ to it while you shove it up your…static! Then the test screen saying ‘Technical Difficulties please stand by’.