American Idol cancels season!

So far the tour’s going good, we’ve done 5 shows so far and the first one, in Rogers AR, seems like a million years ago. That’s one thing about the road; time just absolutely stops making any kind of sense. One day feels like a year and a week can seem like 20 minutes. We did a radio show a little while ago. Check it out at www.kvnf.org I’m in a really nice room right now, with internet for only the second time on the whole trip and I’m looking at a fake mustache. It was here when we got here, but it’s disturbing nonetheless.
What’s the deal with fake mustaches anyway? Does anyone ever really wear them with the intention of trying to make you think that they’ve actually grown a mustache? I think most actors these days actually grow whatever facial hair is required for the role. I bet that was really Kurt Russell’s mustache in Tombstone. I was in a major motion picture once and I didn’t wear a fake mustache. Of course, my character was; “Scott Holt, guitarist with Buddy Guy” and in my research for the role, I learned that “Scott Holt” didn’t have a mustache; just an unfortunate shaggy haircut that I thought looked fine at the time. I don’t know for sure, but this particular fake mustache doesn’t look real. Of course it’s not in its natural habitat (on some guy’s lip…or unfortunate woman’s lip for that matter); it’s just lying on the table. Mocking me with its faux importance. As if to say, “I am a fake mustache! I might have come here from Hollywood for all you know!” What if the last person who stayed in this room was a spy of some sort and the mustache was part of their disguise? Maybe this was the room for their stakeout and when the mission was over, they forgot to pack the fake mustache away in its special spy carrying case. Usually when you see someone in a movie using a fake mustache, they have a case with all sorts of fake facial hair pieces. I think a good disguise would be to completely cover your whole head in fake hair. Then no matter who you came in contact with, they wouldn’t be able to tell it was you! Like cousin It on The Addams Family. I once saw a guy wearing a Darth Vader helmet and it was impossible to tell who it was. No, before you ask yourself out loud, that wasn’t all he was wearing, he had clothes on but he was wearing the Darth Vader helmet…on his head. It could have been anybody! Jerry Lewis, Elvis, Barbara Stanwick, the guy that plays Benjamin Linus on Lost, Pat Sajak or Nipsey Russell, (I’m not sure if Nipsey Russell is still alive or not, but he was always great on game shows with Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly). Match Game, Cross Wits, What’s My Line. I’m not to sure that The Darth Vader helmet would be a good disguise though, unless you were at a Star Wars convention. The only one in my band that doesn’t have facial hair is Marshal. I think I’m going to ask him to try on the fake mustache and see if I can still recognize him. I bet I can.